While talking about the simple life I am going to insert a few little dittys about life that I feel are very important. First of all I never realized how funny our language was until I watched this Swedish guy on YouTube. I only know how to do YouTube lately...a guy I work with is all computerish...so he is always showing me funny stuff cuz he has an I pad...so I really dig this Swedish guy cuz he make fun of the English language...the one about the clam is dumb but he one about wiping your butt with butter to be a biscuit is HYSTERICAL! My daughters both like watching this lady who puts a rooster on her front porch and pisses off her husband all the time and they tell me constantly that our real life is way funnier than any of these yahoos. So, here goes a story to top rooster girl
(also if anyone knows how i can make money with this please enlighten me or just send me a dollar).
OK, a little bit about myself. I have been married to the same man for 30 yrs...if you ever met my husband you would understand that in "peter" years that's like 350 years...think Tony Soprano without the mob, cigar, fancy house fancy car....OK think any Italian guy u know from NY who is 53. Better. He is the love of my life and we have 4 grown kids. The last three were born in 15 months so we have a lot of fly by the seat of your pants stories. Most of which involved old cars and breaking down in the middle of the night. Let me take a minute to give a shout out to Jeff Post who more than once was made by his lovely wife, Maryellen, to don an overcoat and pick our sorry asses up and bring us home...but I digress. OK so this one time we bought a mini van that was kinda like a bait and switch. My husband sent me out to find us a car cuz we had recently totaled our Dodge Ram van...now I don't know if you all know what a Ram van looked like back in the late 80s but it would give a Humvee a run for it's money. so the fact that we totaled it tells you how bad this wreck was..
He sent me out cuz he broke his back in the accident and so I was to go narrow it down to 2 or 3 and come back and get him and we would get a sitter for the four kids, 3 of whom were in car seats, and go buy one. So I find this creme puff of a mini van!! Man o Man we would have had the best car we ever had. But by the time I got back there with Peter someone had miraculously and unluckily for us bought it. The only other car they had to sell my husband, who looked like a turtle in his back brace and myself was a Plymouth something or other that was NOT a great car. But the guy could tell my husband who was popping pain pills like candy didn't have a lot of time and we bought the thing. So, it broke down like every other day and in our infinite wisdom we decided to drive it 7 hours on the NY thruway to Schenectady from Western NY. And we made it! But on the way back in the Montezuma Game Preserve, which is on either side of the Thruway at one point, we literally blew the engine. Well, we drove in the middle of the night so we didn't kill our children, three of whom were under 4 and one who was 9. Well, it's the middle of the night and you have to get a tow from a Thruway tow truck that charges three times a normal tow truck...there are no cell phones and it's winter. So, it's like 20 below zero. We sat and waited for that trooper to come by for almost and hour and I had to go to the bathroom so bad I couldn't hold it. So, I got out of the car and went on the side of the road. Of course, just after I did that the state trooper showed up and ...well as he approached my window his first words were, "Damn DOGS!"
The poor man then had to pile all 6 of us into his cruiser and bring us to a 24 hour diner, where we called Maryellen and she woke up Jeff who drove 2 hours to get us all, with a vehicle big enough for 3 cars seats and 7 people.
We made the used car dealer pay for the tow and he gave us an even-steven deal for a station wagon with a rear facing seat that got 1 mile to the gallon but didn't break down every other week. And i have to hear the story about the dog poop every time someone accidentally steps in some for the last 25 years.
