So, one might think training your dog is a grueling task but worth the time and energy. I think that daily, as I continue to tell our one year old Labradoodle, Zuzu, whose spirit animal is definitately the Dodo bird, to "sit," with every expectation that she will sit. But she never does. Her response to "sit" is to run out the door, or lay with her belly up or jump with muddy feet on my work pants or bite her dog brother who is 12 and looks at me with the "what were you thinking" face. I definatly think to myself, this will all be worth it, she's young, put the time in now and it will pay off later. Then she leaps from the ground into the covered above ground pool in February, almost drowning, and forces me to lean into the dead leaf, gunky world of the top of a winterized pool cover to drag her sorry, dumb ass out of a watery grave and I think, "This is not worth it."
This is the same thing I used to think at work, "this will never work." But then it did.
I work with teenagers with severe autism and mental retardation and we use Verbal Behavior/Applied Behavioral Analysis. This is a program that has a fancy title and is an intense system based on years of research that is all about what every parent does all the time with their children...you tell your children that their world will get significantly better if they do what you want them to do and significantly worse if they do not.
The problem with autistic children is, a LOT of the time, they don't give a rat's ass what YOU think or how YOU feel. So, "that makes mommy sad." means nothing. "I love you" may mean nothing. "I am so proud of you" means nothing. What DOES mean something is...candy, or their favorite toy, or being left alone (many typical children and adults love this, by the way, including me), or pressure on their forehead. Those things are valuable to them. The trick is finding out what is of value to a person who has difficulty with social interaction and feelings.
One doesn't realize how much we use "guilt and emotions" to get what we want in life until guilt and emotions no longer gets you what you want. We do things cuz we love someone or don't want them to feel sad. We want their approval and we want people to like us. So we behave in a way that will make that a more likely event. We smile, buy gifts, give high fives, draw pictures, give stickers.
We do all of this to make our world significantly better. But if I want a student to sit in their chair and they do not want to impress me or care what I think about them they are NOT going to sit in the chair.
The frustration is similar to me and my new puppy. I, apparently don't speak her language...YET. I will definately speak her language before I die or she kills me, because I refuse to give up trying.
It's the same with my students at school. I don't speak their language yet. I don't know what they want, what they are trying so desparately to tell me. I need to be patient and learn. Let them teach me. And when i have broken that barrier, broken their silence, their very loud silence, I will teach them. Because these kids are so smart and so funny and have so much potential locked inside of them. I CAN NOT WAIT to get it all out!!!
My dog on the other hand may be a hopeless case...time will tell.
"Zuzu, stop eating rocks ...Good Lord, help me!!!"
But it ain't lookin' good.
