I find myself amazed at the progression women go through over the course of a lifetime. We start out as young women obsessed with finding a mate, a soul mate, someone to spend out lives with, make our lives with...and then when we are in our fifties we say, "What the hell was I thinkin'? "
Well, maybe not that bad, but the more women I talk to or hear talk who are in their fifties the more I hear them say, "When my husband dies I will never marry again."
The "who needs a man" attitude crosses, cultures, races, religions, stations in life; just about everything. Now I do know a few 50 something women who still spend their time trying to find a man to take care of them. They post silly pictures of themselves looking sexy. They get face lifts and tummy tucks all to try to get a man. But the majority of women say, who needs that!
Then there are the women just starting out. They are frustrated with finding a good man. They date and primp and online date trying to find someone to make a life with, to share their life with. Some do find that person. Some just find themselves.
Despite all of the fifty something gals not wanting another man in their lives, they are perfectly happy with the life they made with the man they spent their lives with. When asked, they wouldn't change a thing. But living for a time where the only dishes they need to wash are their own, the only permission they need to get is given by them, the only decision they need to ponder is one they alone care to decide is a time they long for and never got as young women.
The new group of young women are waiting for the man search. They have time alone at the beginning of their lives, unlike our generation who were consider spinsters by 25, they take the time for careers and things they want to do. So maybe when they are 50 and life throws them a curve they will want a second chance with a man, who knows. But those of us who have had a man for the last 35 or 40 or more years and have created a wonderful, blessed life with them are looking for a different ending to our years here. We want to figure out who we are, alone. Not that we want to be alone. We just want to figure things out on our own without someone else's opinion influencing us, regardless of the intent, or input, however well intentioned.
If we want to jump in the car and go fishing, great. If we want to spend time shopping after work, who cares. If we want to turn to someone and laugh at a joke on a show....oh yea, no one will be there. But if we want to go out to dinner we can, but we won't have anyone to have a conversation with.
I guess there are pros and cons to living with someone and living without someone.I guess it is a blessing if you get that choice in your lifetime. The grass is sometimes greener on the other side, sometimes it's a swamp...looks nice and green from far away but you sink up to your thighs once you step in it.
Life is a series of lessons about give and take. And while I will not want another mate after my current one because we had a great life and that is enough for me...I do understand the need for finding yourself. I also understand the need for sharing yourself. So, where ever you are in your journey just know that you are still whoever you are whether you have a spouse or don't. Only you can define happiness. Only you can give away the power to make you upset or happy. So, define what you are looking for. Give yourself space.
Space to grow, whether you are young or old. Space to find out who you are, whether young or old. And most importantly space to be happy and flexible with what life throws your way. You never know what's around the next corner of your life. Be happy with what you have. But remember you come into this world alone and go out alone. The people we choose to put into our lives are there for a reason...remember that reason and your old man may not look so bad and that empty chair may not look so bad either.
As long as you're happy, someone sitting next to you or not is a moot point. It's all about your attitude and being content with your choices. So, old or young, man or no man, that should be our goal, ladies, to be content with ourselves so life can be whatever YOU make it. Then if a man comes along to share things with you ...great! If not, that's great too!! But the life belongs to you and you alone. Sharing it is an option. So, stop at the store if you want older ladies...if he crabs tell him to suck an egg. If you are young and looking for someone please know your life is yours and you can share it with whomever you please. It doesn't have to be a spouse or it can be a spouse...
But please remember this...if you find a spouse, they may do something in your future that drives you nuts and may cause you to go crazy. If they do... just remember this wisdom from some old broads you don't even know... Say, " If you don't like it you can go suck an egg dear!" Kiss him on the forehead, remembering why you love him and go upstairs and watch Real Housewives of the Future. It works every time.
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