My mom died in 2000 I was a mess and so I started meditating. It opened so many doors and allowed me to free myself from the soulsucking of guilt. Now I am responsible for my actions but they do not stick to me, to my soul.
I don't care anymore... which is NOT to say I am not caring, quite the opposite, but that other's opinions of me do not influence what I KNOW to be the right thing to do or feel.
I don't care what you think of me. Not apathy, but tolerance for your opinion without your opinion becoming a part of me.
I stopped caring about yesterday or tomorrow and I try to face today moment by moment as best I can. It has given me a freedom that has brought me so much I can't put it into words.
Ugly doesn't bother me any more. Ugly is just a word. Ugly things that people don't want to face are right up my alley now.
Pain doesn't bother me. It is temporary and not a part of my soul. When others are in pain I don't care. Because I don't care I am better able to care for that person in a meaningful and loving way.
I am no longer in love. I love or I live you. This is far more powerful than being "in love" with you. I am not overcome with emotion. I do not put my needs before yours causing me to repress feelings or hold a grudge. Instead I LIVE you. I try to be in the moment with you and share your breath, existing with you so you have the strength to be alone.
I am alone! And that is just fine. I am powerful. I don't need anyone to hold me or love me to be myself. I am blessed to be loved and needed and that I have people to hold me but I don't NEED it.
I don't need anyone or anything. Which has made me feel how lucky I am to have love and people. I am so very blessed.
My mother's death was the best thing that ever happened to me. It made me look at me. She's is with me always. So I don't miss her.
I am sane now because I take life as it is, or try to, in each moment. There is peace in the sanity you get because you don't care. It makes you able to care so much more.
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