Death taught me to learn not to care, so I can care so much more

My mom died in 2000 I was a mess and so I started meditating. It opened so many doors and allowed me to free myself from the soulsucking of guilt. Now I am responsible for my actions but they do not stick to me, to my soul.

I don't care anymore... which is NOT to say I am not caring, quite the opposite, but that other's opinions of me do not influence what I KNOW to be the right thing to do or feel.

I don't care what you think of me. Not apathy, but tolerance for your opinion without your opinion becoming a part of me.

I stopped caring about yesterday or tomorrow and I try to face today moment by moment as best I can. It has given me a freedom that has brought me so much I can't put it into words.

Ugly doesn't bother me any more. Ugly is just a word. Ugly things that people don't want to face are right up my alley now.

Pain doesn't bother me. It is temporary and not a part of my soul. When others are in pain I don't care. Because I don't care I am better able to care for that person in a meaningful and loving way.

I am no longer in love. I love or I live you. This is far more powerful than being "in love" with you. I am not overcome with emotion. I do not put my needs before yours causing me to repress feelings or hold a grudge. Instead I LIVE you. I try to be in the moment with you and share your breath, existing with you so you have the strength to be alone.

I am alone! And that is just fine. I am powerful. I don't need anyone to hold me or love me to be myself. I am blessed to be loved and needed and that I have people to hold me but I don't NEED it.

I don't need anyone or anything. Which has made me feel how lucky I am to have love and people. I am so very blessed.

My mother's death was the best thing that ever happened to me. It made me look at me. She's is with me always. So I don't miss her.

I am sane now because I take life as it is, or try to, in each moment. There is peace in the sanity you get because you don't care. It makes you able to care so much more.

We need to find a path

A path to civility. Think about your participation in this. What are your lines in the sand?Mine have dissolved my family. My lines in the sand turned my family into recluse women I don't speak to. And nephews and nieces who lived  with me and loved with me and mine during hard times into Facebook friends with THEIR Spouses.  Too much of life is lived in the past. Love and live in the future or present and none of this will happen

My life is a fake. A smile, a happiness that everyone expects. I try so hard to communicate my real self to those I love but they can't handle it. I am their rock, the core
of the family. Solid. It's beyond their comprehension that I can't handle life at all. And I don't know why I was born or am still here. I scare them. They say this when I am real. So I eat the sandwich that will fix it all and put on my smiley face so as not to scare any one and pretend once again.  And think...Just don't take the S for 6 weeks.
Yup fixed.

Embrace Change ...It is time our nation's symbols had a makeover

Embrace Change

It is time our nation’s symbols had a makeover

By

Teena Vaughn D’Annibale

“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States for America, and to her people for which she stands, one nation of diverse origins, wish liberty and justice for all.” by Teena Vaughn D’Annibale

The Home of the Brave (sung to the tune of the Star Spangled Banner)

By Teena Vaughn D’Annibale

O say can you see by the dawn’s early light

What so proudly we hail

As a nation of freedoms.

Whose broad stripes and bright stars

Through the perilous fights

For the freedoms of all

still stands gallantly dreaming.

For our people to hear

The loud shouts full of fear,

And answer those shouts

With a hand and a tear.

O say does that star spangled banner still wave,

For a land of the free,

And a home of the brave.

I want our National Anthem to reflect our rich history of fighting for the rights of our citizens. We are a people who do not look away. We choose to see. Choose to see and help our fellow man. America is so unique and blessed to be fluid. We were set up to be so by the founding fathers, They made our core principles as a country to be open to new ideas and our main focus and goal to be to endeavour to educate our people so they can make intelligent decisions and join in the process of making our nation a better place, not just for its current citizens, but for all people who are willing to come join in our fight for equality.

My new words to the anthem reflect how proud I am for the fights and thankful for the lives lost in the endeavour to free, not only our citizens from various tyrannies and prejudices that have ruled our own country, but to put our lives on the line to help others around the world who face poverty, and imprisonment of mind, body and soul throughout the years.

Regardless of your politics there is one thing we can all agree on. Our country is based on freedoms for all people; freedom from injustice and poverty and tyrannical governments; even if they are our own, freedom from boundaries placed on us based on race, creed, sex or country of origin.

The words to our current National Anthem do not reflect who we are. The poem is based on a hatred for another country and its politics and on the worship and idealization of war. America, in general,  has learned that diplomacy and reason far outweigh violence as a means to an end. War should be our last resort and most certainly not the basis for our National Anthem, a song that is supposed to tell other nations and remind us who we are and what we stand for every time it is sung. Most Americans don’t even know the words because the words are archaic and meaningless in today’s society. What must other nations think when they hear our representation of our country? Well, I want them to hear that we are a nation of change, a nation willing to fight for the rights of all and that we are proud of America, despite all of our shortcomings, because we can always come together and find a place at the table for everyone when we have differences within our borders. I want our anthem to remind future generations that we chose to change it because WE changed, for the better and it is their solemn duty as an American to continue to change and fight for what is right and just for all.

As for our pledge, I feel it is the same argument. We, as Americans, need to be reminded what was created in this country. The pledge  and the flag are symbols and a way to remember the nation IS her people and we agree to be there for each other. “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America”

“And to her people for which SHE stands”...America is nothing but land without US, her people.

“One nation of diverse origins”...just a description it would seem but also a reminder of who we are and from where we came so we can continue to be thus in the future, for it, diversity, makes us, Americans, unique in this world.

“ I wish liberty and justice for all” … a pledge to your country, your fellow citizens, that you are willing, because you are an American, to fight for them, to stick up for them on a daily basis, to have liberty and justice no matter who they are, what they look like, who they worship, what sex they are, what sex they were born with, you are wishing them liberty or freedom and justice or a fair, even playing field in all they endeavor.

Isn’t that what America is all about?

“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to her people for which she stands, one nation of diverse origins, wish liberty and justice for all.”

The new four letter word

My hope for the new year is that no one uses the word "wall" ever again. That word has become a political time bomb and no longer represents security for Americans.
Both sides if the isle are fine with border security and are willing to put up billions of dollars (even though border security money given last year wasn't even spent and yet they want more) to help hire more border agents, reinforce barriers in places like Loredo, TX where this is necessary,  upgrading  well-working laws and forces at ports and north-south corridors like Interstate 81 where drug and human trafficking is almost out of control and helping law enforcement get to the root of the problem in areas of the country where drugs are homemade by US citizens or sold by US citizens brought in from other countries through our borders .
The WALL brings an image of concrete or slats streaking across our southern border, but that is not what border security is. THAT image is what is causing all of the division and those who continually bring the wall up are only trying to divide our country.
Focusing on the southern border only focuses on one group of people much like the Muslim ban that caused such an uproar and was found unconstitutional. THAT is what the wall represents to many.
So I don't want to hear the word WALL in 2019. Immigration or drug trafficking or human trafficking and those seeking political asylum works for me. Working on people not over-staying their visa works for me But call things what they are.

There will never be a WALL!
EVER! So stop politicizing a very important issue to every American and find a solution.

https://www.nvdaily.com/news/crime/fbi-forms-human-trafficking-task-force-along-i/article_657d7859-0b88-5cdb-9324-61803070bd57.html

Funerals are for the living

I have always said that funerals are for the living. So, I don't go unless I need to go for closure or I know the people the soul left behind need others around them for support. 
Some people share birthdays or deathdays on Facebook and remember the person who died. That is not for me. I feel all of my souls who have passed around me all the time. 
My feelings about death are different because I faced cancer at a young age and saw souls hovering around me while one of my feet was on the other side and one was on a very slippery banana peel. I KNOW what to expect because I have seen it.
I am not talking about the white light experience I am talking about paying attention to death as much as I pay attention to life. When my mother died I held her hand and as she let out her last bit of air a peace came over the room that one can only attribute to the freedom that death brings.
I have had souls visit me in dreams and felt them on me, almost taking my breath away, in their desperate need to tell their loved one a last thing that they wished they had said when they were here. I cannot conjure up these things they just happen. But I went to a psychic with a friend once and he described it as a wall of souls was about to crush him.
I never felt like that but one soul once in a while is enough for me to know that funerals are for the living, the dead are with us always.

Not Alone...my Shaman

A poem
       Not Alone, my Shaman
                          By
     Teena Vaughn D'Annibale

You hold his pain,
You hold their fear,
Cleanse.

You know you're strong,
You know no fear,
Cleanse.

The peace you seek is not your own,
The peace you seek is how we're born.
You have the power that you seek.
Within.
Cleanse.

See your heart and power.
Strong.
See your soul and vision.
True.
Seek what makes your power grow.
Seek what makes your vision clear.

The pain comes when you cannot bare, to let them see what you most fear.
To let them feel what hurt you so.
To let them cry so they can grow.

Rock the baby in the tree but when she falls you cannot see,
the destination worth the trip,
is one you must not interrupt.

Please let them fly.
Please let them fall.
For mended bones are twice as strong.
Your hands outstretched should never catch,
until the words from their own lips request,
your power must restrain to test,
how much the mended branch will strain.

You must let go to feel no pain and free your spirit for more gain.
To help the ones who truly need,
your soul must be truly freed.

You've known the fear.
You've known the pain.
It's why you seek to cleanse and gain,
the insight that you need to heal,
the days, the pain
the real.

Most look around and see the hurt and turn and say, "Just desserts."
No blame in you as you peek,
to see their soul is rot

with holes

life's acid has burned without remorse.
No going back, it cannot heal.
No going back they cannot feel.

Most think there is no hope to find.
You look for sand, you look for silk, for anything to block the hole,
to fill that void,
to ease the pain,
to cleanse the wounds that no one sees.
To cleanse the soul no one needs.
You search and see,
you fill and stitch,
you hold them close to give reprieve to pain so hidden no one sees.

And when you're done and they are healed the light of love is revealed.
Your only payment,
holding pain,
that was yours before,
but never again.

Not all can know this hurt,
a chosen few,
the chosen who
paid a price, with a life or lack thereof,
a forever sacrifice of love,
or hate,
or pride,
it matters not the reason for their fate
for with It they have willingly paid,
for us who are too afraid.

A society of broken souls,
they move through lives unnoticed, taught to hide their selves, "Be ONE."
For she is she and he is he but when together not "one" they are taught to be.

But when alone with no one else,
an army,
broken with no gun, but fear
of self...
lost,
forever ONE?

"NO!," you scream.
Your comrades hear.
"You are one AND ONE."
"Don't fear!"
"Our deeds and souls forever stained, can be healed, there's much to gain."

But you, my shaman, you must know
To soldier on you must grow.
"BE HEALED CHILD," I want to scream.

Or whisper

So your soul feels cleaned.

But I must heed my own advice and let your self heal many times, 
as broken bones can be more strong, so souls do as they limp along,
from pain inflicted for no gain, from pain not seen, not felt, in shame.
From pain I will never know, or feel or touch or cradle so,
as you have done for so very long.
To nurture as a mom, a futile feat, for this pain I shall never meet.

But you must Cleanse from other's guilt
To heal the many who have felt,
like you, my love, my life, my child,
my shaman, my world, or in a while
your soul will shrivel and die;
useless, lifeless, loveless;
forever only ONE
not
one.

So hold his pain.
So hold their fear.
But lifeless bodies roam no more,
YOUR passion here, where pain and fear are very real and some with breath are meant to heal, like you, my love, who suffered so others
can feel and heal,
and grow.

Be strong, shaman, your strength within
must be nurtured time and again.
Be strong, my soldier, who is now one,
and knows that ONE is never done but can be healed and strong again and hold the pain that never leaves to feel just like a gentle breeze.

There is love within us all
to sit beside the pain,
to catch us when we fall. But...
when it is too much to bare,
let the words escape your lips,
"I fear that I will fall and there will be nothing, no one to break my fall."

Your shaman will be there, my friend,
To hold your pain
To hold your fear
And
Cleanse.