Student loans and the cost of the "fun" college experience

Lately I hear so many 30 year olds complaining about their college debt. It's not fair, they say.  I shouldn't have to pay this much, they say. How am I supposed to survive?

All true and fair questions and we DO, as a nation, need to fix how we pay back those loans,  so they DO get paid back and not defaulted on. HOWEVER...

I think the anger and frustration is misplaced.  The cost of college is the real problem coupled with the idea that college is supposed to be fun. 
The reality is... in America we don't take college seriously.

Think of how little loan you would have if you worked all the time you weren't in a class or studying.
How much would you save if you walked or biked where you needed to go?

What if you didn't go to bars or eat out, lived home, stayed at the dorms on the weekend instead of driving home and worked a job?
Would you have the debt you have now if your behavior in college was different?

WHAT IF YOU DIDN'T GO TO FOOTBALL GAMES FOR 50 BUCKS (D1) A TICKET?

We need to change our behavior as students.

Parents need to change their behavior as enablers. Your children are ADULTS when they go to college.  Make sure you treat them that way. Make sure you let them fall and guide them on how to get up on their own. And make SURE, in their junior year of high school, you teach them about how much it costs to live and how to pay for it.

We need to change our mentality as consumers of college education as well.  Demand good service, go to community college where it is cheap and transfer to an online four year, this will cause the state system and private schools like Penn State to lower tuition costs.
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So I don't get mugged at work or the grocery store I need to clarify MY position on the biggest school in MY state.  MY blood is NOT blue...AND Penn State is state affiliated and NOT a state college so they get your tax dollars with little or no oversight from the state. Nor  does anyone hold them accountable for their actions and I do NOT agree with my tax dollars being spent that way. This has nothing to do with football.  I have always felt this way.  Ok, moving on...
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Lastly, lobby for more realistic tuition costs.  Complain when faculty union members refuse to bargain about their salary demands with the state.  When college presidents make half a million dollars,  live for free on campus,  build unneccesary dorms or sports facilities, practically bankrupting the school and then move on when the financial shit hits the fan have your board of directors hold them accountable! !  And YOU teach your children to hold the board members accountable.  They pay their salary.

Do colleges even teach their students how a college works? That should be a mandatory freshman class to empower the students.

Complain when the state ends up closing colleges in remote areas causing those kids to move or travel far distances to get an education.

People we are in crisis!
And some of it is our own fault.
Life is not a party, it's hard work that you have to pay for.
Those of you paying student loans need to change the system for your children and the future of our country.  Change the culture.  Start with YOUR child and YOURSELF!

And all of us need to be LOUD about it. It's our future.

Training dogs is a breeze...right Zuzu?

So, one might think training your dog is a grueling task but worth the time and energy. I think that daily, as I continue to tell our one year old Labradoodle, Zuzu, whose spirit animal is definitately the Dodo bird, to "sit," with every expectation that she will sit. But she never does. Her response to "sit" is to  run out the door, or lay with her belly up or jump with muddy feet on my work pants or bite her dog brother who is 12 and looks at me with the "what were you thinking" face. I definatly think to myself, this will all be worth it, she's young, put the time in now and it will pay off later. Then she leaps from the ground into the covered above ground pool in February, almost drowning, and forces me to lean into the dead leaf, gunky world of the top of a winterized pool cover to drag her sorry, dumb ass out of a watery grave and I think, "This is not worth it."

This is the same thing I used to think at work, "this will never work." But then it did.

I work with teenagers with severe autism and mental retardation and we use Verbal Behavior/Applied Behavioral Analysis. This is a program that has a fancy title and is an intense system based on years of research that is all about what every parent does all the time with their children...you tell your children that their world will get significantly better if they do what you want them to do and significantly worse if they do not.

The problem with autistic children is, a LOT of the time, they don't give a rat's ass what YOU think or how YOU feel. So, "that makes mommy sad." means nothing. "I love you" may mean nothing. "I am so proud of you" means nothing. What DOES mean something is...candy, or their favorite toy, or being left alone (many typical children and adults love this, by the way, including me), or pressure on their forehead. Those things are valuable to them. The trick is finding out what is of value to a person who has difficulty with social interaction and feelings. 

One doesn't realize how much we use "guilt and emotions" to get what we want in life until guilt and emotions no longer gets you what you want. We do things cuz we love someone or don't want them to feel sad. We want their approval and we want people to like us. So we behave in a way that will make that a more likely event. We smile, buy gifts, give high fives, draw pictures, give stickers.

We do all of this to make our world significantly better. But if I want a student to sit in their chair and they do not want to impress me or care what I think about them they are NOT going to sit in the chair.

The frustration is similar to me and my new puppy. I, apparently don't speak her language...YET. I will definately speak her language before I die or she kills me, because I refuse to give up trying.

It's the same with my students at school. I don't speak their language yet. I don't know what they want, what they are trying so desparately to tell me. I need to be patient and learn. Let them teach me. And when i have broken that barrier, broken their silence, their very loud silence, I will teach them. Because these kids are so smart and so funny and have so much potential locked inside of them. I CAN NOT WAIT to get it all out!!!

My dog on the other hand may be a hopeless case...time will tell.

"Zuzu, stop eating rocks ...Good Lord, help me!!!"

But it ain't lookin' good.

Restaurant review

So this weekend we went to Tilted Kilt. ..if you don't know it's the Scottish version of Hooters. This is my second visit to this restaurant and I cannot believe the number of people who bring their children there.
     Most of the kids just gawked in shock but one little guy, maybe 10 years old, who was trying to watch a basketball game made my day. The waitress's boobs kept getting in his way.  Now, depending on where you were sitting it either looked like he was trying to get a better look at her double Ds or possible trying to stick his face in them or watching basketball.  The waitress seemed tickled by his attention evidenced by the "how cute" look on her face, which is a little sick but that's another story,  until he said,  "Excuse me, mam, you're blocking the TV."
     The TV insult was bad enough but "MAM"....OMG, I about died laughing. 
     On the other end of the age spectrum my old man was feeling "sorry for these girls" and using who was "jiggly" and who wasn't as a way to tell which waitress was ours to order coffee, "since they didn't wear name tags."  
     As far as I could tell the only people in there who really appreciated their bodacious boobs and exposed cheeks were these two old lesbians who stayed a long time and I am guessing had a GREAT afternoon when they got home.
    Which brings me to my first visit to a Tilted Kilt. My oldest granddaughter was in a fashion show at a local mall. We didn't know what kind of restaurant the TK was and were distracted by her barrage of questions about modelling as we were being seated. As soon as the waitress came my daughter and I looked at eachother and then around the restaurant and before we coyld process the whole thing my granddaughter says,  "YOU are dressed like a hussy!"
    I guess that about sums it up. Food's good, beer is GIGANTIC and people watching is outa this world.  I highly recommend the Tilted Kilt, just don't bring your kids.

Come together ...right now... The Beatles were right

I have been doing an experiment for the last couple of weeks.  I am very liberal and very political. I have been private massaging people that I don't know on Facebook who have very different political opinions than I and asking then to come together. This is what I posted on my page, 

www.Facebook.com/ichoosetosee

with the hopes of getting others to try.

"To those of you who follow this page, I am trying to start a grassroots movement to help our country heal. Would you copy and paste this on a person's PM who thinks differently than you. See if we can start some real person to person dialog. ...

Hello, my name is Teena. I find you a well read conservative and I am trying to find some people on the "other side" , i am very liberal,  to help our country find common ground. I feel strongly that the inability of our citizens to value eachother's opinions WILL be our country's downfall because let's face it, presidents come and go ...citizens are always here. 
Anyway, would you be willing to take a look at my page and share some ideas you find sensible, even if you don't agree with them , if I would do the same for you. 
My page is I Choose to See on Facebook.  Just type it in the search.
If this isn't for you thanks for listening and thank you for being involved politically in our country."

I for one have struck out. Of ten people I PMd not one has agreed to my proposal and I have gotten some nasty comments about my beliefs that I would call less than tolerant and definitely not polite.

When did our country get to the point that two people can't have a civil conversation about civics and politics. Where did the "I respect your opinion and choose to disagree" attitude go?

Debate, when I was growing up was called "healthy" and people were admired for being good debaters. I took argumentation and debate as a class at SUNY Albany and it was not part of the Poli/sci curriculum, it was something educators felt necessary for life. It was good to great everyone's opinion and all the facts before you came to your own conclusion.  

People came together, minds were opened and changed sometimes and there was respect not rancor and hatred.

Please take part in my experiment in your life. Find someone who is not like you and find middle ground.  I fear if we cannot,  it will be the beginning of the end of our civilized democracy.

The old days. ..not so good

I remember a time when parents,
could beat on their kids at will.
There was no one to help them,
and many were painfully killed.

I remember sitting at my table,
Told to eat it or not to move,
Falling asleep in my dinner of broccoli,
Cuz my dad had power to prove.

My mom was so unhappy,
Stuck at home with my sisters and me
She wanted to help those who were hurting,
But a nurse she was not allowed to be.

I remember kids appearing happy,
A result of seen but not heard.
I remember having no choices, 
Frustrations a child endured.

Your dad had all the power.
Your illnesses hidden from all.
Drinking to ease all the sadness.
Because there were no helplines to call.

The old days were not all of that good .
A far way from where we have come.
I wouldn't go back to that fantasy,
Not sure anyone with half a brain would .
By Teena Vaughn D'Annibale

I told ya so effect

I know people who voted for Trump...good, nice people with hearts of gold who love our country and really want the best for her.  And they are not speaking out.

I am very concerned about the :

I TOLD YA SO EFFECT

I have put many questions out on Facebook trying to understand what Trump voters, who told me they were voting against Hilary not FOR Trump, were doing now, given how vocal they were during the election about Hilary and her lies and deceit, about Trump's lies and deceit.

Not a peep. Except one friend from Texas who has the balls to dialogue everyone else is quiet. 

This scares me!! We all need to be critical of our elected officials, even the ones we voted for.

THEY work for US! !

I am afraid that Trump supporters are being supportive of EVERYTHING he does so they don't hear from the other side,  "Nanenanepoopoo, we were right and you are wrong. "

The,  I TOLD YA SO EFFECT is real.

It silences people.  And we all need to be LOUD right now.  LOUD about what you like and dislike,  whether he was your candidate or not he is now OUR president .

We need to create environments where everyone present feels valued and heard and we are losing that because of how obsurdly obvious each side thinks their position is.

Nothing is ever 100 percent in politics. It is give and take, happy mediums.  Sometimes unhappy mediums, but mediums nonetheless. 

If  this discourse  and compromise doesn't happen then we are not a democracy.  Then we are a kingdom.  And THAT is my biggest fear.

So, ease up a little when you're speaking about things you're passionate about so the other person feels safe and open to what you are saying.  And listen to one another. ..You both may change your mind a little. ...it's a very democratic thing to do.

Mr. TRUMP, you are not a king. You are a servant

When people voted AGAINST Hilary it said that they were sick of status quo and lies and conflicts of interest by the Clintons. It said alot about your integrity,  that you couldn't stand her wheeling and dealing.
Now, though, you have to be FOR Trump because he is our president...
I keep asking people if you are ok with him now as president elect and people are still ok with him. I pray you are not saying this because of your pride.
Pride is no reason to support this behavior.  Pride is no reason to support racism or cronyism or manipulation of foreign powers or turning your back on American law cuz you are rich and powerful.

Pride is no reason to NOT fight for what is right.

You voted because of what you thought was very wrong.  Use that same wisdom to tell Trump,  No! You must follow the rules too! We want inclusion!  We want separation of your wealth and our country.  You are not a king. You are a servant! A servant of the public!
Speak your mind about him, please!!!
I know you,  I know alot of you are GOOD GOOD people and that is why you couldn't vote for Hilary.
Please speak out against the things you do NOT agree with concerning Trump. It is your duty as an American.