Government Cheese

Back in the day...people who didn't have a lot of money would get to go down to some local
community center or church in their town and get government cheese. My husband and I used to get
it from a friend who worked at a blind camp. 

He used to bring hams and turkeys and government cheese to us because "we wuz po". I guess the blind people couldn't see the expiration date...ha ha

...no I did NOT just go there. AHHHHHH.

A friend of mine looked at me with fond memories wafting through his head the other day, "Ahhh, I
remember when my mom used to tell me we were going down to get it! We would all go wait
for hours in line in this vacant lot next to a church. Man, that stuff was so great!"

Even great rappers like JayZ have eaten government cheese...

“After that government cheese, we eating steak/After the projects, we on estates.” 

Government cheese distribution started in the Reagan administration. The production of said cheese began in the early 1900s. That will tell you how indestructible this stuff was.

It's basically what we now call American Cheese, or processed cheese product and was invented by Kraft in 1916.  

In the 1980s the government used to pay farmers not to make it because we had stockpiled so much of it in the ole US of A could have eaten processed cheese forever. Then in the 1981 President Reagan said, hey guys lets give this shit to the poor!! They eat anything!

Guess what year I got married...yup 1981. And had Amber in 1982 so we qualified! 

Macaroni and government cheese was the best we ever had. And Peter was so happy not to have to eat tuna noodle casserole again that he almost voted for Reagan in his second term...I said almost! 

Even free cheese can't make one forget about trickle down economics! 

The Emergency Broadcast System

I was just speaking to my daughter about Government Cheese and trying to get some answers to questions that have plagued me all my life concerning said cheese, and she says, "You know what bothers me? Fourteen years ago when we really needed it where the hell was the emergency broadcast system?"

And you know she is right!

How many times in my life time have I had to listen to that stupid AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
noise right in the middle of my favorite song, and then beeep beep beep. "This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. This is only a test. If this were a real emergency you would be instructed ..." blah blah blah...I know it by heart! I swear I did not look it up. THAT is how many times I have heard it.

Yet, we get attacked on 911 and I do not remember even once hearing the damn emergency broadcast system. Do you?

I remember everything that happened that day. My daughter was deploy-able, just getting back from all of her Army training, so let me tell you my ears and eyes were open to everything all day long!!! And, no emergency broadcasting system type "computer voice" ever came on the radio or TV.

So, if you ever find out what the hell the emergency broadcast system is for please let me know. Cuz it sure as hell wasn't for the biggest emergency this country has seen since WWII!

Tomorrow I will be blogging about government cheese...stay tuned.

Allergies

My son in law is allergic to shell fish. He wants to eat shell fish. So, he came up with this brilliant plan to see if he is still allergic to shell fish. He wants his wife, a former combat medic from the Army, to drive him to the parking lot of an ER and watch him eat shrimp.

Now, this idea was borne from a real life incident that happened while my daughter was serving in the Army. This Lieutenant or sergeant or Colonel, I forget which, in the army used to make my daughter come to his big wig meetings at this fancy sea food restaurant and give him an injection of Benedryl before he ate and be ready to save his life should he eat too much shell fish.

It's kinda a great idea. People DO out grow allergies. So, when I heard about this story and my son in law's idea, I said, "Well, OK, but I wanna be the one who gets to video it."

I figure if it goes well and he doesn't die we can make a million with the video. If it goes badly and he dies he has a great life insurance policy with the military. Either way, it's a win win.

So, we will keep you up to date if he ever gets the nerve to do it. In the mean time, I accept no responsibility for anyone who chooses to use this idea to test their own allergies.

But if you do decide to be this much of a dumb ass........please video it for us!!!

We really are kinda sick

Have you heard of the new game, "Cards Against Humanity"? Well, it's basically "Apples to Apples" but with really sick shit answers.

"And the Academy Award for ________ goes to __________." is an example of one of the cards you need to answer. You have the answers in your hand and you submit an answer to the person with the question card. He/She picks the one they think is most fitting or sick or demented and if it's your card you win.

Win...a term I use loosely considering you have won the award for being the sickest mother futter.

Some of the answers include; dead babies, Hitler's dead body, and several sex acts that even I did not know what they were and had to Google them:  let's just say it included body parts and orifices that really should NOT have anything to do with sex.

My point is that you really have to be kinda sick to think this is funny, which we are! And not for nothin', but my family has been playing our own version of this game forever. It's called "What would you do for a million dollars" and gets very graphic and sick. 

The prompting for this game is not from cards but from each other. One person egging the other person on creates an environment mold could live in. It started with, "Would you have sex with _________ for a million dollars?" and has escalated from there. The price has gone up too. We all said we would do just about anything for a million so our family could be financially set forever ten years ago. 

Now, we are like, "No way, a million ain't enough!"

So, it has become what would you do for a billion dollars. Questions arise about ethics and how long you would spend in jail, what state you are in because some have the death penalty and legal questions about whether you would get the money if it's a crime.

All of this is good interaction for adults. But it gets pretty heated and loud and bleeds into dinner time and it is not Sunday dinner table talk!!! So, it has been banned from Sunday dinner along with Monopoly and Risk, two board games that have wreaked such havoc in our home my grown, intelligent, loving children are no longer allowed to play them. 

Can you spell COMPETITIVE?

Anyway, I never get involved in all of this stuff because I am very ZEN of late. I am unbelievably honest, to the point of thinking that trying grapes in a super market is stealing. So, the fact that I love this game has me very concerned. It's sick! It's demented! And almost as fun as the time I cheated at Risk, stealing people's armies while they were arguing over deals made and broken, until at some point I had so many armies in North America someone said, "Hey MOM, are YOU cheating?" 

I took over the world that night and no one suspecting me because I am such an honest person. There is something to be said for that. All angels have a little bit of devil ...even ME.

And "Cards Against Humanity" is one of the best games I have ever played! Let your sick side rock!

I have two really good blogs coming...

I have two really good blogs coming...but for today

Cancer sucks!

According to the bible...You're being watched by sex addicted aliens. Help me with the questionaire to decide if you are related to one.

We were watching Ancient Aliens the other night on History channel and the evidence is so overwhelming that aliens have been on this earth forever and are still here watching us it is crazy. The show starts it's systematic proof of this with the BIBLE! But there are stories of the "Watchers" across cultures and centuries. Basically, the story is a bunch of angels fell from God's graces and came to earth to have a orgy with the humans. They are suppose to hang out and help us and watch over us but they find some human chicks and dudes that are so HOT they can't help themselves. They had a bunch of kids and the half breeds are here watching us and reporting to the "higher ups" about our progress and stepping in when necessary. Guardian angels, alien watchers...you decide.

According to the website http://www.deliriumsrealm.com/fallen-angels/ , "“In those days, when the children of man had multiplied, it happened that there were born unto them handsome and beautiful daughters. And the angels, the children of heaven , saw them and desired them; and they said to one another, ‘Come, let us choose wives for ourselves from among the daughters of man and beget us children.’ And Semyaz, being their leader, said unto them,’I fear that perhaps you will not consent that this deed should be done, and I alone will become (responsible) for this great sin.’ But they all responded to him, ‘Let us all swear an oath and bind everyone among us by a curse not to abandon this suggestion but to do the deed.’ Then they all swore together and bound one another by (the curse) And they were altogether two hundred;” – 1 Enoch 6:1-7

"The Book of Jubilees gives another account of how the Watchers fell that is similar to 1 Enoch. It explains that the Watchers originally descended to the earth to teach mankind and do what is just, but they ‘sinned with the daughters of men because these had begun to mix with earthly women so that they became defiled.’ (Jubilees 4:22)"

So, Ancient Aliens posits that these angels were really aliens sent here to watch over us who couldn't keep it in their pants.

Talk about mixed marriage...geesh!

The bigger picture is THIS...Assuming this is true it suggests that some of us are descendants of really horny rapist aliens and for me THAT EXPLAINS ALOT!

All of you who have never been quite right, never fit in; who have always felt like you were on
"THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN" or "WATCHING" life...well now, do I have news for you!

You know that DNA test that tells you your ancestral heritage...umm...well...I wouldn't waste my money cuz that DNA connection ain't happenin'.

So, some of us are related to aliens. What does this mean to you? How can you find out if you are one of the watchers or worse MARRIED to a watcher and your kids are half breeds?

Knowing all of you who follow me...I would imagine we could come up with some pretty interested questions to ask on a questionnaire to decide who is and who isn't a watcher.

Leave a comment here with a couple questions YOU think would ferret out our alien ancestor relatives and let's see where this takes us. I will post the questionnaire in its entirety in another post.

Happy HUNTING, but remember they are WATCHING YOU!!

What NPR radio, Barack Obama, Colon Powell, MLK and picking up chicks in a bar have in common

I listen to National Public Radio every morning just like all of you. So I am sure you all heard the story about the study pertaining to people's perception of African Americans on Martin Luther King Jr. Day vs. other days of the year.

SHANKAR VEDANTAM, NPR radio correspondent interviewed Sara Konrath of Indiana University. "Well, you know, like most people, David, I'd intuitively assumed that on MLK Day, most people would have an elevated view, not just of the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., but of African-Americans in general and prominent Americans in our midst, people like President Obama or former Secretary of State Colin Powell. I recently spoke with Sara Konrath at Indiana University. And she told me that she and her colleagues William Chopik, Ed O'Brien and Norbert Schwarz - they decided to test this intuitive belief that I thought many of us share. They had volunteers describe their feelings about African-Americans in general and a prominent African-American like Colin Powell. She told me that she was surprised by what she found."

According to Konrath, " People see Powell in a negative light on MLK Day compared to how they see him on days that are before or after. But on MLK Day, people actually see African-Americans, as a group, more positively." NPR website

The story goes on to say that African American women like Oprah are safe on MLK day. It's just black guys. She describes the phenom as a comparison. If someone in her department won the Nobel prize and they had the same qualifications as she did then people would say, Hey how come SHE didn't win the nobel prize too.

So, people of all races on MLK day think of Martin Luther King Jr., a black male who was in politics and educated, and think of all the other black males in politics who are educated as slackers in comparison to Martin Luther King Jr. on that day because he is being honored on that day.

Ok, THAT makes alot of sense to me and if you don't understand the MLK comparison maybe this will help...picking up chicks in bars.

Everyone knows that when women and men are in a group out at a bar there is a pecking order. A woman may say, "Hey that guy over there is HOT!"

If she has good girl friends, they will say to her, "Is he REALLY hot or is he just the hottest guy in the group?" She looks closer, talks to him longer before making her decision and may even look at the others to determine who is the best guy. She is holding all other men in that group to the standards of the small group. And one guy seems great. Until her friends question it...then she opens the group up to other men in the bar, comparing "hot guy" to other men in the larger group in the bar...

Now is he REALLY hot in the bigger group? He may be MLK or he may just be Barack Obama or Colin Powell when compared to MLK.

If he is MLK she will choose him, get married, have a bunch of kids and live happily ever after. If he is only Obama or Powell...not so much.

Same goes for men choosing women. Children deciding who to play with on the playground.  Every relationship in life falls into the... Is this person MLK? rule!

So, next time you go to a bar to meet people you can tell your friends to remind you to decide if he or she is REALLY as good as Martin Luther King. No one will know what you're talking about but you and you will avoid going home with some dog face, good for nothin', drunkard derelict.

And you can thank those professors who got the big million dollar grant to study why people like Martin Luther King on his day more than the day before or the day after.... yea they could've just gone to a bar for free to find it all out but what fun is that?