I guess the question becomes, "Are we ever, as a family, going to trust anyone again. Let them in again." And this is why we all have such a hard time joining a church family. When we let you in we are all in...for you.
But are you "all in" for us? All in means, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health.
As I watch the "Walking Dead" it reminds me of our dilemma as a family. Are you worthy is always on our minds. This decision used to be very easy. This decision used to be made by Peter and I. Peter would say be careful. I would say we need to help everyone.
But we have been fucked. Many a time. And it's not that easy.
You become gun shy. You start to ask questions, like how many Zombies have you killed? How many people have you killed?
And this kind of thinking boils over into church family. Yes, we think of our church as family. And despite our varying beliefs and journeys and paths, IF IF IF, we commit to a church.....the church is getting something GREAT!!! But we walk our talk and if other people don't walk their talk, in the past, church or not, we are OUT...so our commitment to people and churches goes through a rigorous scrutiny and endless family discussions like no other.
We think we found a good group of people in this church we are going to, but some of us are still not ready to commit. We have been burned many a time, much like the walking dead group. So, why do I watch this show...it's life. It's the tests anyone who is "all in" gives people in their own head but our in the open. Cuz it's safe and acceptable in THAT world. But people who live THIS life, really live it, get to a point, just like Rick and his group, where they have to decide....are you one of us? OR are you the DEAD?
I feel sad that I have gotten to this point. I was one of the last hold outs in our group. I just hope someday I will find people who can fight WITH me in THIS world without losing my soul to do it.
The Walking Dead is about OUR WORLD. Pay attention! Who can YOU trust?
I feel lucky. I have a few. A few people outside of family that would do anything for me just if I asked them to, no questions asked and they know that is true for me if they asked. But I want to believe there are more than just those few. I keep searching...but it's becoming harder and harder to look...harder and harder to trust that there are MORE people out there.
The place that scares me the most is church. For me it was a safe haven. But people have taken over the message in many places and you cannot trust in it anymore. At least I can't. But I am still trying and that is the main thing...and I see people looking to me, asking ME. I try not to ask questions that haven't been asked. But people are asking now...do they really wanna know?
I am not sure...just not sure.....if they wanna know the truth. Are they willing to believe in each other, in themselves? Are they willing to make it through this life relying on THEMSELVES and the ones they trust?
It takes balls! It takes lots and lots of balls to be that sure of yourself and those you love and trust. Much much harder a decision than relying on God or anyone else for that matter. You are responsible for yourself, your actions, your community, your government, your schools, your choices.....your life. And that decision includes others because no man is an island...right? So, you have to figure out a way to commune with people you don't trust....you HAVE to take a chance that others are good souls. Man...that's HARD!!
But we have to......or we might as well be Michone with the two zombie's on a leash. Alone.
So, if we are going to be a part of this society we need to be "all in" with someone, with some group of people for better for worse......right? I was wrong in the past to leave on principle. I wasn't all in! I should have fought .......fought for what was right. Changed from within. I was protecting my children, but what I taught them was to run from adversity. And THAT was wrong.
So, we need to make a choice. We can't be an island. Well, we CAN be an island cuz we are badasses but we should CHOOSE not to be...just because it's the right thing to do.
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