My son's on a rant

So, my son, who usually doesn't rant, is on a rant about smoking while driving vs. cell phone use while driving and the evils of both.

I get it, there are a million things you can do in a car to cause distracted driving. When I was in sales I saw everything from people with homemade devices that fit on the steering wheel and held the newspaper so they could read while driving in bumper to bumper traffic on MD 270 going 70 mph with  less than one car length between them and the car in front of them because if they left more than one car length someone would cut into that hole from one of the seven lanes of traffic fighting to get to work faster than you,  to chicks with coffee in their hands, headsets on so they could talk on their cells legally, putting their mascara on while driving with their windows open to dry their hair... but the mascara is the real issue cuz if you have ever poked yourself in the eye with a mascara brush it is THE most painful feeling in the world, with the exception of burning your eye with a curling iron because you forgot to look in the mirror while curling your hair and instead looked right at the iron that was around your bangs and the only reason you are not blind in one eye is the hair was in the way... but I digress. And yes, that happened to me!

The point is there are a million things to distract you while driving and cell usage is the least of your worries. Twins, who are breast fed, in a car seat while on a long trip for instance. Or a 10 year old who knows how to "get" the 7 year old and make the seven year old scream and whine until you wish you were a barren nun so you didn't have to listen to these heathen children for one more minute. I once saw a guy getting a BJ while driving. So...there are things more distracting than cells while driving.

I personally, while driving to my son's high school football game and sipping on my water bottle filled with wine, have dropped a cd, picked it up from under the passenger's seat, put it in the cd player while swatting children in the back seat and spilled an old cup of coffee on my lap and not skipped a beat while driving.
Then again I grew up in upstate NY where your parent takes you to an icy parking lot and forces you into a spin on ice, brings you to the top of an icy mountain and tells you to make your way down while not using the brakes, forces you to parallel park in traffic with everyone cussin you out and beeping their horns into a spot that is clearly to small for your vehicle and makes you learn how to change a tire and the oil before you can take your drivers test. This is the same state that the Facebook joke posted on a wintry highway scene says, "90 percent of America sees these weather conditions and stays home, closes school and prays for the best. The other 10 percent live in upstate NY and say, "Hold my coffee and watch this."

So, are cells and smoking bad for concentration...absolutely. But there are a million other things that are as well, like eating a whopper...it does take two hands...that are equally as dangerous and not illegal. So, it makes one pause...maybe these new Jetson cars that park and brake for you are the answer, then we can smoke a doobie, drink wine, put on our makeup, read the paper, light up a Winston and answer our cell phones and NOBODY will care.

But until then, put duct tape on your kid's mouths, leave your vices at home and drive safe!!