Thicker than Water

Started watching Thicker than Water on Bravo this morning. I was hoping for Salon Takeover and was making coffee so it was just on and sucked me in.

Not quite sure who Ben Tankard is, I googled him. Apparently, he was a pro basketball player who in retirement became a gospel singer and producer and preacher. This is his second marriage and he was never home when his children were growing up and they were abused somehow as kids. These kids are all grown now and in their 20s and maybe 30s and the whole family is dealing with a childhood without a dad because he was on the road making money.

The couple is so mentally healthy and his wife Jewel is the glue that holds the family together and gets Ben back on track when he slides into "throw money at it" mode. The grown kids were abused somehow as children. The one daughter blames her older brother for not "saving" her from the abuse and then finds out that while she was there on weekends and holidays being abused, he LIVED there and was being abused all the time. I do not know where this abuse came from but it apparently wasn't Ben who was the perpetrator. Yet, like most good parents, he feels guilty for his kids suffering. In his mind, if he was home more instead of making money on the road, the abuse would not have happened.

Given the fact that Ben's solution to problems is to throw money at it, I seriously doubt that he would have made a difference. That said, it brings up my age old peeve of parents who are successful, unbelievably successful, in their careers who get awards and accolades and who do NOT acknowledge their spouse, nanny, parents...whoever held their lives together, while they were off chasing their dream.

If you want to chase a dream, don't have kids. Kids require lots of time and one on one time with their parents. This whole "quality time" bullshit doesn't hold water with me. I am sorry if I am stepping on people's toes but kids would rather have you with them than have money. And not just physically with them, put your damn phone down!! When your kid has to say, "Daddy" or "Mommy", more than twice because you are on your phone then you are TELLING him/her that your phone is more important than they are.

Now, before you go all ape-shit on me I am not talking about people who HAVE to work to survive. I am talking about people who take promotions say, to be top of their game, when they KNOW it will require lots of travel, meetings and stress.

Once I was at a retirement party for a President of a University. He broke down in tears in the middle of his speech and turned to his children, "I am sorry! I am sorry I missed all of your ball games, chorus concerts, scout camps...your lives...to further my career. Please forgive me."

I think that about says it all.

So, if you have a good job, if you make a decent living and can pay your bills, if you have health insurance and food on the table and a roof over your head then keep that job! Don't take that promotion. It's OK!! Enjoy your family while you can. They will be grown before you know it.

In the end your co-workers won't be standing around your bed holding your hand as you die; your children will. In the end when you leave your company, no matter how much you did for them, they will have moved on to the next guy for all of their accolades and praises the day after you are gone. In a couple of short years all of your hard work will be forgotten because someone else will be doing the work your did in a better way. It's difficult to believe that a place you spend all of your time at for your whole life will not give two shits about you the day after you leave.

But, your family, your children, the people who love you, your real friends, friends that are family..they will be the ones who remember you always. THEY will be the ones who speak your name after you are gone, the ones who will tell your story for generations, the ones who will carry you in their hearts for always. They are your legacy, NOT your job.

OK, maybe if you are a brain surgeon who invents the cure for cancer this does not apply, but in general that is true.

Now, to get back to the old Tankard clan. They are trying desperately to make it work and move forward. I applaud that. One of my biggest faults is hashing things out, trying to fix old scars, make everything better. Over the years I have learned that scars heal stronger than the original skin. People can come to an understanding but that scar is always there, a symbol of that pain and how you got through it. One shouldn't try to fix that. It's a badge of sorts.

So, the Tankard clan has a better plan than I; talk about it a bit and move on.

Just be there for each other because you should be there for each other. You do not have to like your family but you do have to love them. Love means putting your pain aside for the good of the family. It means family over everything you want, you need, you desire for yourself. It means being content with what you have and not always seeking peace from outside sources. "Peace" sits next to you at the dinner table.

The Tankards are learning this lesson on national TV, a very brave thing. I just have one hope...I HOPE TO GOD THIS IS ONE REALITY SHOW THAT IS NOT ALL SCRIPTED!!! Please be real, please be real....LOL.

Ehhhh, even if it is scripted it still makes me feel good, sparks decent conversation and blogs and I am OK with that.